Iceberg Blue Eyes
by FloatingInSand
Summary: Ashley has taken a special interest in Spencer but they are in seperate worlds, but when Ashley saves her from an abusive Adien there worlds collide and Spencer needs Ashley. But Ashley will also need Spencer. Much More too come R&R see if you like it.
1. Lunch Time Eye Tango

So This is my first Fan fiction. Yea so I'm not that good of a writer but your reviews would really help so I can improve.

Hope you enjoy this Fan fic, lots of drama. So warning to anyone who doesn't like Spashley.

**Triggers** also in here so **warning** for that too.

**R& R please I need it to improve )**

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the South of nowhere characters etc.. just own what i came up with on my own. And no profit from this..sadly.

ON WITH THE SHOW

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Chapter 1: Lunch Time Eye Tango

Iceberg, Bahama Ocean, blue crystal glass clear eyes. They sit upon a welcoming creamy light peach blanket of skin. If you look from afar you won't see anything, other then maybe the most enchanting teenage girl. Yet if you truly pear into those eyes you can see into her soul. You can see the pain, the sadness, her heart crumbling. Maybe only I see that, but she hides something. She hides something so important that it could tear her perfect high school life apart. But I see it. I know her, yet we haven't even truly met.

Today her smile is as bright as ever. Surrounded by the group of girls and boys she seems so happy. Yet her boyfriend Aiden approaches and slinks his arm around her. They seem the perfect couple. But they are not. I, again, am the only one who sees this. She tenses up at his touch but keeps her smile on, even though her smile never truly reaches her eyes. This is when she seems the loneliest. Surrounded by people who think they know her, people who like her because she is popular and with her boyfriend, she is the loneliest girl in the room.

Yet today she glances up at me, not noticed by her peers. I turn to make sure none of her little followers is behind me, but no one is there. I look back and lock eyes with her. Her cheeks fill up with a light pink, the cutest blushing shade of red. I smile and she looks back to her boyfriend and continues in on there conversation. The bell rings and the crowded lunch room begins to disperse. I linger there and notice she hasn't left yet. She is taking her time, and it isn't like her. She smiles the most warming welcoming smile. It seem her eyes smile also this time. Then she's gone, off to catch up with Adien and her "friends" who have already started down the nearest hallway.

"Earth to NIMROD" A funny familiar male voice breaks my trance with the blond blue eyed girl has on my.

"What?" It came out a little harsh but I was only mad I missed the view of the girl leaving.

"Ohhh, nothing…just that you were staring holes into the one and only Spencer Carlin's beautiful face." He chuckled to himself. Yet he was truly wondering why I was so interested in her.

"Tom your such an ass. Not every girl catches my eye. I wasn't looking at her, definitely not her. Well I was but not at her. .. I zoned out she just happened to step into my zoning out area." This came out in a jumble and definitely didn't make sense.

"I'll pretend I understood that." He laughed and continued his questioning look.

With that I got up and went to go to class. But before making it half way across the almost now empty lunch room I heard Tom's voice,

"Party tonight! You there?"

"Where else would I be. I'll pick you up later."

Finally with that I made my way to gym, where I had class with my current interest project…**Spencer Carlin.**


	2. Locker Time Looks

**Chapter 2: Locker Time Looks**

Gym Class. The class that everyone dreads. Luckily it's short today because of an assembly this morning. I just had lunch with the usual people, Kate, Kelley, Matt, Lance, Veronica, Kyle, Janine, and a bunch of others that I don't feel like naming. Oh and of course Aiden. He's my boyfriend, so sweet when he wants to be. He loves me I know he does and he never means the things he does. But today he's uptight so I'm glad to be in gym sorta, it's one of the few classes we don't have together.

I entered the cold locker room and noticed all the people were here, but of course her.She had the most beautiful curves...Scratch that I ment curls. I don't know her name yet, but I will, she seems nice. It's normal to want to be friends right? No reason why I can't want to get to know her. Well from what I hear she's tough and not friendly but today she smiled at me, I think… or hope. Anyways, she isn't here yet. Well, everyone one is changing, so I start to strip down, but realize this isn't a good idea. They could see, the marks, and the shame written all over me. Its' embarrassing how ugly I am. All these marks, but I deserved them, maybe not this many but I do deserve some.

I carefully strip shifting around so no one notices the marks that are easily hidden by clothes. My marks face the abandoned area of the locker room, but as I turn, to my amazement, I see the stun struck girl. She sees them. She sees my ugliness. She sees it all in plain view. She looks from the marks on my legs to my eyes and holds the gaze. The questions float through her brown eyes. I smile my best Carlin smile and throw on my clothes. That's all I could do. She steps closer not to close though. The locker room is emptying and I stand there not knowing weather to exist or wait for her questions.

" You ok?" It came out blunt. Fierce but caring. Her voice raspy but so beautiful it made me shiver.

"Of course." I smile and say it in my cheery voice.

" Ok but what is that from" She motions to the large bruises covering my leg that faces her. I'm lucky, I can breathe, she only saw my leg. I can cover that up, I'm ok.

" Oh that." I chuckle " I was riding my bike and fell. I swear I need training wheels."

With that I exist before she can second guess it. Gym class is about to begin.

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So after lunch I had run in with Miss Carlin in the locker room. Her secret met my eyes as I walked into the locker room and saw bruises the size of baseballs all over her leg. I just stared at it. At her, she was so beautiful. Yet so gentle, she looked like she needed hug. Right then I could have ran up and kissed her. I wanted to make it better. I knew where those bruises were from. That jockstrap Aiden. She turned around and was startled by my presence. She quickly covered her body, but held the eye lock we were in. 

Everyone started to leave but I couldn't let this go.

"You ok?" I said this a bit too coldly, stepping closer to her.

" Of course" Her smile made me feel stupid for even asking but I knew it was a mask. I knew she wanted to scream No. I knew she wanted to break down and finally end this.

"Ok , but what is that from?" I asked this hoping she would just let it out, even if she didn't really know me. I wanted to help.

"Oh that" She laughed lightly "I was riding a bike and fell. I swear I need training wheels."

I wasn't convinced but she exited the locker room before I could say anymore. Bikes don't leave hand marks and bruises in the shape of knuckles. I know she's not ok. But there is nothing I can do for today. Off to gym class where I can study Carlin a little more, were maybe I can find another piece of the puzzle that makes her who she is.


	3. Mouth Lipped Lingo

**Chapter 3 : Mouth Lipped Lingo**

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Gym class went by fast. Yet the rest of the day dragged along. Finally school ended and I headed home to get ready for the big party tonight. Hours past and the thirst for alcohol began to grow. I put on some ripped jeans that fit nice to my curves. A nice black top that rocked more then ACDC in my opinion, and hair done right along with the perfect amount of makeup, I could turn a straight girl into a lucky charms fan. 

I was ready finally, after I put on some perfume, spicy with some sweetness mixed in, just like me. I looked in the mirror, perfection at last but instead of seeing myself, my mind drifted to the blond who made me worried all day long. I sighed and left the room heading to my car. I jumped in and I was off to pick up Tom, and ready for a nice soothing drink. I may not be in the partying mood tonight, but I was always in the drinking mood.

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The school day was over, and I was sitting in Aiden's truck on my way to a party where I knew noone. I was all dressed up for this. Hair was done right makeup on covering any visible bruises. Lip gloss perfect with a hint of strawberry flavoring. Tonight should be fun, if only Aiden would leave me alone for a minute. 

"Where is this anyway?" I asked softly not looking into his eyes. It was soft and gentle so he would not think I was talking back.

"It shouldn't matter. You're with me." He said coldly. He intertwined his free hand with mine and held it painfully tight. I didn't even wince I was so used to it.

"I know I'm glad you're taking me with you, I'm so lucky to have you." I smiled with this, it was the perfect lie. I hate lying, but if it will save me some pain, I have to.

"You don't forget that" He smiled, but said it sternly like a father instilling something important into his kids. That smile made me want to crumble. Crumble like the Berlin Wall, into a thousand pieces where he could never find me.

We finally took a turn down a street lined with cars. The house was huge where all the commotion was coming from. We parked a little ways away. Aiden jumped out and came to my door. Hand in hand, smiles on our faces we made our way into the party, the perfect couple.

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The party spot was a nice pick this time. Big house, no parentals, enough teens to fill 2 high schools and an open bar, which at this point was the only thing that mattered. I made my way inside, the bass pulsating through me, I walked across the crowded room which was packed like sardines with drunk dancing teens. 

Tom soon disappeared leaving me with only "I'll meet you by the car at 2 or whenever the cops come" and a manly happy grin. I grabbed a drink and sat down in front of the bar guzzling down what was the first of many I planned to drink tonight. Finishing my drink, I grabbed another and peered over at the other end of the room. To my surprise, who should happen to walk through the door?

None other then the baby blue eyed wonder, Spencer Carlin. She was hand in hand with the Super Jockstrap, smiling along with him. He mumbles something into her ear, which only she could understand and her eyes go numb. He lets go of her hand, and she walks in a perfect line to a chair about twenty feet away from me. She sits and looks at him and smiles that famous fake smile. He winks but his eyes send a message that makes my skin crawl. She responds by looking at the floor which she seems to take a sudden interest in. He disappears deeper into the house out of site.

I stare at her, not realizing how obvious I was, she must have felt the presence of my eyes because she looked up quickly. She looked around trying to find the one gazing upon her. I would normally turn away but no, I want to see into those eyes again, and I do as she catches me in the act of staring. A real smile creeps across her face and her eyes dance as she mouths something to me. I mouth back " huh" and she mouths back "Come closer" It is all or nothing now. I get up leaving my drink and make my way to the beauty sitting twenty feet away.


	4. Prepare With Numbness

**Chapter 4 : Prepare with Numbness**

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We entered the party and the commotion was overwhelming. I noticed Aiden's attention shift from me to half the basketball team that could be seen in the next room. He glanced back and forth then whispered, "I'm going to see the guys. You sit right in that chair. Don't move. I better not find you with anybody. I'll be right back." His voice was cold and twisted around my head pulling every bit of dignity I had with it. He loosed his hand from mine and I slowly walked eyes to the floor to the chair across the room. I sat and looked back at Aiden. He winked at me, his normal signal of approval and threatening reply all in one. 

I look to my shoes and then to a stain in the carpet below me. Then it hit me. An energy, yea this sounds so weird, but this weird warm energy fell upon my body. I felt eyes on me, not hurtful eyes, but kind admiring eyes. I looked up, I wanted to find my secret admirer, I can't have them looking at me when Adien gets back. I got to take care of this. I pear around the room and suddenly my vision collides with the most stunning girl I have ever seen. Then I realize, it is the girl from the locker room. The one who saw, the one who seemed to see past my front. This was bad. I lingered my gaze, maybe a bit too long and realized I had to take a chance. It was now or never, the worst that could happen is another beat down. She was worth that. In a friend way of course…

I smile uncontrollably, and mouth to her a simple message, "Come closer." I couldn't take that much of a chance leaving my chair, just talking to her could make my night painful enough. She saw my mouth move but couldn't quite grasp what I said. I mouthed it again and it registers in her head. She slowly got up and made her way to me. With each step, her beauty magnifying. I could be drooling but I don't care, for once I could care less about the consequences. She steps directly in front of me, bends down close to my ear in an attempt to talk to me over the noise and says in the most angelic, spine shivering electrifying, raspy voice,

"I didn't expect to see you here, but I'm glad you came." A smile shown across her face and one some how snuck onto mine as well.

"Aiden made me come, basketball teams all here." I replied. His name makes her stiff but maybe that's just something my eyes made up.

"Oh... so it's not to see me then." She pouts and pretends to be offended. We both laugh lightly.

"Yea well I guess it's not a bad thing you're here though, I'm so bored and I don't know anyone." Her smile grows even bigger.

"Same here, my friend Tom needed a ride... so here I am."

"Yea."

"Yea…" We both had a word freeze, both not knowing what to say.

After a few seconds of us just staring at each other not knowing what to say she interrupted the awkward yet some how nice dried up conversation,

"So how's your leg, any better?" I noticed the concern in her eyes. It's something I want, comfort, but something that also means I need her to forget everything she saw.

"Oh, no worries, it's already almost healed." I smile unnaturally and look up to a random spot on the nearby wall. Suddenly I feel the faintest breathe by my neck. She is leaning close to my ear, air making my body relax and shiver at the same time. I have the urge to grab her and kiss her. But don't, I'm frozen like a deer. She slowly whispers,

"You don't have to pretend, I can see it in those eyes, your not all right." She smiles but not a happy smile, a pity but comforting, understanding smile. I look into her eyes and see the worry building up behind them. I glance back to the floor. Then I feel a piece of paper being placed gently in my hand, and with that she is gone, off to the dance floor.

I slowly unfolded the purple paper, it read,

Here if you need me..

898-0563.

Don't hesitate to call,

Ashley

**Author Note:(NOT A USEABLE NUMBER).**

It's funny we have shared only a two conversations and yet I feel I can trust her more then anyone I know in my life. I feel as though she knows me better then myself. I like it, the safeness, the warm electric current that always runs through me when she is close, I like her.

But all this doesn't matter, because as I fold the note back up, I feel an arm grip my shoulder and a hand snatch the note away. The grip tightens and so does my stomach. I coach myself as he drags me away deeper into the house," prepare yourself Spencer, numb yourself, because you only have until he gets you alone until your numb or your dead."

TBC

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**Author Note: Thanks to everyone who read this story so far and reviewed it. I love reviews so good or bad doesn't matter )**

**More to come very soon. I'll try to post daily during the week. **


	5. Senses System Shutdown

**Chapter 5: Senses System Shutdown**

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After our intoxicating conversation I placed a note in her hand. This could be the stupidest thing I've done, flirting with her. She is already in so deep, questioning her sexuality is probably not something she needs. Well, if I can't have her, I can try to be her friend. I don't know what it is about her but I can't stay away from her, she is like a drug, a new drug and she has me hooked. I walked away and mixed into the dance floor with other teens. Yet I had no intention of dancing I just wanted to watch her reaction from afar as she opened the note. I wanted to see what she really felt.

She slowly opened it and as her eyes viewed it a small smile made its way across her face. That is until what I feared most happened. He was there, right behind her holding onto her like a piece of meat and snatching away the note. I watched the interaction between the two of them and saw her body, her mind and heart go numb right in front of me. That isn't Spencer, this is what Aiden has done to her. He grabbed her leading her deeper in to the house, anger following him. I couldn't let him do it again. I couldn't. So I left the dance floor and followed them.

Up the stairs, down a few hallways and I still couldn't find them. They were up here but where? I pass each door knocking but nothing so far. I have got to find her, before he hurts her again.

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We made our way upstairs, Aiden's arm still in a death grip around me. I looked at the floor the whole way. He stopped in front of the last room in the hallway and threw it open, shoving me inside. He stepped in shutting the door behind him. "You bitch." With that I felt a hard kick to the side. "I leave you for 10 minutes and you already have another boy. What is this?! A number??" He gets closer to me, in my face. His breathe made my body stiffen. 

"I'm sorry. It's not a boys number I—" Before I could finish the words and my body were flung into the wall.

"Oh so now you're a dyke?!" His voice was growing with anger each second.

I didn't know what to do. I had to get out. I bolt before he is on me and try to wrap my hands around the door knob. The door knob is my only hope of getting away. Yet before I open the door I'm pulled away and pinned to the bed.

"You don't deserve me. You bitch, you don't deserve anyone. You're ugly, you're so ugly. You're lucky I even went out with you." He ends this with a swift punch to my stomach making me roll in pain off the bed. A clock soon follows me smashing into the wall spraying glass into my leg.

"GET UP" it's a demand I follow.

"Now, you don't like girls. I'll prove it." He says this with a grin.

"You let out one tear I'll make it so you can't cry." With that he was on me pinning me to the ground. He shoved his tongue down my throat.

I let out a scream only muffled by his mouth. He pulls away ending the unwanted lip lock. I can't do this. I can't let him do what he said he'd never do.

"Aiden, I'm sorry. Please. No please." The more I plead the more he hits. He begins to pull my clothes off slowly. With each piece of clothing he takes a piece of me with it.

"You know you want this. Now stop your screaming." A slap to the mouth and he was pulling off my panties.

I was down to my bra. It was cold but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel anything. I had to make a choice. To let him take me, take the only thing I had, or fight. Scream, kick, anything, but fight. I chose to fight. With that I let out the loudest scream I have ever let out. I yelled it hoping someone would hear me.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

It was ended shortly by Adien's fist. He held me tighter and pulled off his pants in one quick motion.

"You know you want this." With that his boxer were thrown on the floor.

"Please. I'm sorry. No please."

"It's too late for sorry."

And he entered. Entered so unwantingly . The violent thrusting began. It was so painful, I wanted to cry. One tear threatened to leak out. The smell of him made my stomach turn. I could lay here and let him finish. Yet I didn't, instead I screamed I flailed I try to hit him. It was no use his body engulfed me more and more with each attempt. There was no use in trying but I continued to fight even if it didn't do anything.

There was no hope; the only thing I could do was shut down my senses and hope he would stop at this. And with each thrust a piece of me died. He was taking the only thing I had left. My virginity, thrown out the window along with all hope of getting away.

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**Author note: thanks for all the reviews.)**

**Aiden isn't gunna last to much longer just hang in there.**

**SPASHLEY to come promise. )**


	6. Swing Away

**Chapter 6: Swing Away**

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There it was. There was her voice, screaming what she wanted to say so long. She put it out there maybe just for me to hear. Her scream echoed through my ears and I sprinted down the hall and rounded the corner. The scream has since ended but it's in my head on replay. She's down this hall. I pound on each door with hope, with anger, with fear, with everything I have; I pound on every door until there is only one left. I hear the thrashing inside. With out a second thought I burst through the door. What I see makes me die a little inside. He's on her. He's in her. She's thrashing around not able to get away. With his body pinning her to the carpet his other hand is raised ready to hit her. 

"We're busy get out" he states in coldly not even turning around to see me. I launch onto him with out any thought. I throw Aiden off her and begin to punch him, with all the emotions running through my head I put them into my fist and begin to beat him. Yet his strength out weighs mine and he merely punched me once and I crumble to the floor. He grabs his jeans and throws them on.

I start to get up to hit him again. He doesn't care about me his focus is on Spencer who is now crawled in a ball in the corner. He walks over and begins to beat her. I launch onto him again and we struggle for a few seconds before he throws me to the floor. He simply laughs.

"You don't deserve me any way you fucking dyke." With that he threw the lamp nearest him at her missing her by mere inches. He was gone. He left calmly never looking back.

I get up and look at her. She is not there. She is in another world just curled up holding her knees shaking back and forth. I'm in shock at what just went down. I approach her slowly trying not to startle her.

"Spencer?" I said this so soft I doubt she heard it.

"It's Ashley. It's gunna be ok." Scoop her up draping a blanket over her bare body,.

"I'm gunna take you to the hospital, where they can help, ok?" She tenses up and clenches on to me.

"No." I barely hear it. She says it shaking and now buries her head into my body.

"Um how bout I take you home. You'll be safe. I promise."

Again a soft no is shuddered from her lips. I don't know where to take her. I decide to take her home where she can rest and I can take care of her cuts. Then maybe she will be more convinced to go the hospital tomorrow.

"Ok um, ok. Well go to my house. How does that sound."

She nods and closes her eyes. I walk out of the room and down the stairs. I bring her to my car. I slowly put her into the passenger seat. I walk around the car and jump in and begin to drive. I could have saved her from him. I didn't. But it won't ever happen again. I silently promise myself and Spencer that. I glance over and see she is still curled into a ball and clenching the blanket for dear life. Her eyes are closed tight, and she seems to have dozed off. Hopefully escaping reality and peacefully floating in her dreams, where no one can hurt her.

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And when I finally give up hope, when I finally think about not fighting back, she appears. Like an angel she bursts through the door, light from the hallway surrounding every curve of hers. Aiden could care less, for him he sees this as a small interruption.

" We're busy get out." He continues his thrusting, and is ready to hit me again, I squirm trying to get away. Yet before I can blink she launches onto him like a warrior. Throwing him off me she proceeds to beat him with all her might. I look into her eyes and see the change, she isn't her calm ,charming flirtatious self. She's taking everything she has and putting it into each punch. She is saving me with each punch, she is trying to get back what he just took. She knows she can't but, with each punch she hopes it will make it better.

The rest is blur. I drifted off after she came to my rescue. I traveled in my mind to a far away place. I was on the swings back in Ohio with my two brothers and parents. It was a windy day leaves being turned up and floating up in the air. With each pump of my feet I got higher and higher. Higher into the sky flying away. Flying away higher then anyone can reach me, where no one can hurt me.

Yet I'm grounded as I feel Aiden back on top of me punching me with all his might. I see Ashley out of the corner of my eye, she was on the ground crawling to her feet. She launched onto him again, she will stop at nothing until he leaves. If I wasn't so out of it, and the circumstances weren't so bad this thought, of her protecting me, would make me smile, feel warm and safe. Yet I'm not safe, and these are the circumstances. I slowly return to my mind, to Ohio, where I'm happy, where I can float away unharmed.

I feel something smash near my head but only grip my knees tighter and go higher on the swing. I got to get higher. Higher so he can't get me. Then the words poor in.

"You don't deserve me anyway you fucking dyke." I fall off the swing. I don't land on my feet. I land and I'm left there in a ball of emptiness.

Then I feel it. That electrical warm energy from before. It is intensified. I feel her scoop me up. I feel her breathing, her chest rise and fall. I hear words come out of her mouth but don't understand them. Then Hospital is said and I know she wants to take me to one. I can't go there, my mom works there. No she can't see my ugliness, my embarrassment. No. I apparently said this unknowingly because she suggests taking me home. Again I can't go there either . There is nowhere to go. Nowhere is safe. Then she suggests her house, and I suppose this is my only option, but knowing she will be with me makes me feel safe. I nod yes and lean into her more holding on to her so I won't be hurt. She begins to walk me away from this place. She will protect me. I doze off. I go back into my mind back to my home. Back to the safest place I know. On the swings in the park near my old home. It's safe there. Noone can get me. And I pump my feet higher and higher, and soon I'm flying, into the sky watching the leaves twirl with the wind under neath me.

TBC

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A/N: ok, well I've been trying to fix all my spelling and grammical errors as best I can. I know I always miss a bunch. But I tried to edit the previous chapters as best I can. Thanks for the advice on that, and I'll try to keep up on it. Thanks for all of your reviews.) 

More to come soon! )


	7. The Careful Cleanup

**Chapter 7: The Careful Cleanup**

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As pulled into my driveway, silence surrounded us as it did the whole drive home, with only small interruptions of quite whimpers coming from Spencer. I wanted to wake her when she shifted around and murmured something I couldn't understand, but I decided against it. She needs her rest. My car came to a stop and I opened my door forcing the blinding car light to shine on the both of us. I stepped out and around the car and opened her door. I slowly whispered as soft as possible into her ear, 

"I'm gunna bring you inside now Spence. It's ok."

I got no reply but I knew she heard me as she shifted a tiny bit in the seat. I slowly scooped her up, being careful not to touch her skin to hard and causing her pain. Normally this would be awkward as she is slightly taller then me, but she is curled in a ball, and for some reason I have had more strength today then any other day of my life.

I don't bother shutting the car door, I head straight for the house carrying Spencer like a delicate package the whole way to the door. I rang the door bell with hope so I wouldn't have to put Spencer down. I don't want to let her go. I never will want to let her go, not after tonight. One light was on in the guest bedroom so there was hope. 2 minutes past and the wind picked up. Spencer's lips were quivering and her body slowly tensed at the cold sensation. I hugged her closer and was about to give up and put her down. I don't want her to freeze. Yet just as I was bending down someone answered the door. The bubbly Kyla answered my door bell call. I smiled at her and brought Spencer inside.

"Woah, what are you doing, you didn't like run her over or something did you?" It was a half serious question from a never serious half sister. I was not in a joking mood.

"I would never hurt her. She..." I didn't know how to explain this. I didn't want to. "I'll explain later go shut the car door for me I got to get her bandaged up.

"OMG! She's hurt, you didn't say that. Why don't you take her to the hospital? She can't stay here? Can she?"

"Calm down, first off, no I can't take her to the hospital, she won't go and right now, I'm not making her do anything else tonight she doesn't want to. We are going tomorrow morning. And yes, she is staying the night."

"Yea ok, sorry, you caught me by surprise, You never let anyone stay over the whole night, they're usually gone by morning." It was an attempt at humor in a time that was definitely not funny. But it was Kyla's way of trying to help.

"Just got shut the car door."

"Oh! Right ok, I'll be back sorry." She left quickly not knowing what was going on but certainly felt out of place. I like Kyla, but don't tell her that. She's nice but I should hate her, so that's how I'm playing it off for now. I made my way to the bath room, Spencer holding onto me tighter and tighter with each step. I slowly place her down on the counter like a small child, she sits there barely awake. She has a tight grip on the blanket that has been her only covering this whole journey home. I look into her eyes trying to read what she is thinking. Yet they're blank, numbed, not her eyes. I step closer now and slowly put one hand on the blanket. She flinched slightly but didn't move off the counter. I softly tell her what I'm going to do.

"Spencer. Spence look at me." She looks up slowly into my eyes but then at the ground. I take my hand and careful lift her chin and she stares into my eyes.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I would never, I will never…, Just I have to clean out your cuts, they'll get infected, and that won't be good. You're going to have to put the blanket down, but let me--." Before I could finish she dropped the blanket down and closed her eyes. I was about to turn away but couldn't help but glance her up and down. Every limb seemed to have something on it, a bruise, cut or scar. Yet she was still beautiful, her body so innocent. I had to look away.

"-- get you some clothes. I'll be right back with those and a first aid kit." I was about to walk away when she grabbed onto me. She embraced me with all her strength in the greatest hug I've ever had. It was fear driven though and she was not letting go.

"Don't. NO. Don't leave me." Her voice was so soft and full of pure fear. I hugged her back for a few seconds and then slowly let go.

"I'm not leaving I'll be right back, you can watch me the whole time, I'll be in the room across the hall to get you some stuff. OK? I promise I'm not leaving you." She slightly smiled and nodded and returned to the counter top. I began to walk away but glanced back to see one tear escape those eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. She wiped it away, she didn't see me looking on. I wanted to run up and kiss her, make it better, anything. Yet the only thing I can do right now is get her some clothes and clean her cuts up. So that's what I'm doing, anything to help fix what I could have saved her from.

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I woke up right before being placed into a black Porsche. I fought to stay awake but my eye lids betrayed me. My conscious effort only lasted a mere 15 seconds before I was blasted into another world of my own.

Instead of swings though, this world was not so peaceful. I wish I tried harder to stay awake. It seems my dream is worse then reality. As each time I go to run something grabs my leg and pulls me back. Shackles grow and vines wrap around my arms, they strangle the thought of safeness, and begin holding back any freedom I wanted. Then he appears. Not the peaceful him, not the loving gentle buy-you-roses-randomly him. No this was his other side, the side that I feared most. He stood there mere inches away from my face eyes burning holes into my clothes. Burning them off. His hands reach up and pull a strand of hair back behind my ear. Then it is like a rewind of what happened tonight.

I thought living it once hurt, but no, this as worse. More fear in my dreams, more violence, more pain, hurt, more everything, everything that happened escalated and let roam free in my mind. My realities became my dreams, and my dreams became my fears. Yet I wake just before He does it again, before He takes it again, and it is my savior again who saves me. I'm awaken by the softest angelic voice that wraps around my mind bringing me back to the real world,

"I'm gunna bring you inside now Spence. It's ok." I feel her arms around me and her touch makes the safe feeling return. I'm awake, safe and truly glad to be in an angel's arms, and as far as I'm concerned she's my angel, only mine.

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**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews again, they really help motivate me to write. So thanks again! **

**This chapter was a little slow but the rest will be more interesting .**

**R&R :)**


	8. Road Trip in the Making

**Chapter 8: Road trip In the Making**

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The counter was skin numbing cold as my bare bottom sat upon it. I didn't even realize until now how the blanket was my only source of clothing. The coldness wakes me up fully from my half dazed state. A hand reaches for my only thing to hide behind. Thinking it will yank it from me I flinch and hold on tighter to the blanket. Then I realize how silly this was, because I know that hand, beautiful slender smooth and it belonged to her. It seems time has stilled to a slow pace as her hand moves back away from the blanket.

"Spencer. Spence look at me" I look into her eyes, they scare me. Not in a bad way. Maybe. I don't know. Those eyes scare me in a way that I may fall in and never be able to get out of them. Yet I want to dive into them, I want to be lost in them, so much that it makes me look away. Then I feel it. The softest touch upon my chin lifting my gaze to her eyes where it should have stayed.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I would never, I will never…, Just I have to clean out your cuts, they'll get infected, and that won't be good. You're going to have to put the blanket down, but let me--." I let go of my blanket, I don't care if she sees me naked. Tonight the whole world could see me naked, I wouldn't care. I gave up caring tonight. I looked to the floor.

"-- get you some clothes. I'll be right back with those and a first aid kit." She turns away. She is leaving me. She is walking away, and I can't let her go. She is all I have at this moment. I'm not letting her walk away.

"Don't. NO. Don't leave me." It came out like a whisper but inside I was screaming it. I launch onto her, naked and cold, I engulf her in a clinging hug, with all my strength paralyzing my arms around her. She returns my hug with one just as strong, and I relaxed my grip. She slowly let me go and said,

"I'm not leaving I'll be right back, you can watch me the whole time, I'll be in the room across the hall to get you some stuff. OK? I promise I'm not leaving you." She walks away.

I slowly glance down at my body. Slowly I explore the site of my ugly body. I feel the moisture building. I feel it coming ready to poor down. The first raindrop comes, and I wipe it away, wipe my eyes. Wipe away all the build of water and fears within my eyes and breathe. I breathe, and maybe with that one breath I can keep breathing on my own without the brunette by my side.

Just as my mind begins to wonder back another brunette haired girl appeared in the door way. I nearly fell of the counter in surprise as she quickly apologized profusely. "I'm so, sooo sorry Spencer… I didn't see… I--."

"It's ok. Can I use your phone when you get a chance. I have to call my mom. She is probably wondering where I am." The girl was facing away from me so I could barely hear her say yes between her saying sorry about ten more times. She walked out away quickly nearly colliding with Ashley who was returning with a pair of boxers, a wife beater, and a first aid kit.

XXXXXXXX

I nearly knocked Kyla over as I reentered the bathroom. I handed Spencer the clothes and turned away so she could slide them on. I hear her sit back on the counter and faced her again. I I opened the first aid kit and began my work. I slowly began putting gauze on her leg and cleaning out the small cuts on her legs. One section of her leg is still bubbling blood slowly and it appears to have glaze shards in it. I can't clean it. I can't fix it. I have to take her to someone who can. She needs to be in a hospital both her and I know that. I finish my work on the little cuts softly cleaning them out one by one.

"Spencer, I don't think…" I pause I don't know what to do. "I don't think I can clean out all these. You need to get them looked at, a few need some stitches I think." She nods, knowing I was right.

"I can't go to the hospital downtown, my mom works there. She'll find out. She can't know. What I did…" She began to choke up. "It was so... So disgusting. I am so disgusting. She can't find out. Never."

"No…" I look her straight in the eye. "You are anything but disgusting. You are the exact opposite. You are beautiful. Don't ever forget it." I smiled a soft subtle smile toward her evoking a cute blush that belonged on those cheeks. The perfect rosy red.

"I think I have an idea." I can drive you to the hospital in the next city. I'm sure a few dollars and they won't ask questions and your mom will never find out."

"No. You've done so much for me already. I can't let you do anything else, you've already saved me and--." I interrupt her swiftly not letting her even think I could leave her.

"I insist. Let me grab a few blankets for the car and if you don't mind Kyla could come with us."

"That'd be great. Thanks Ashley, you're my hero tonight." She smiles and I can't help but reflect the image. I stand up putting the kit away and ran to go get Kyla. I knew if I don't get her to the hospital soon she was going to be in a lot of pain, and any evidence that Aiden left on her is slowly disappearing. It was stupid of me to bring her back to my house, but we are on our way now, and I'm making sure she gets the help she needs, even if I can't provide it all.

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**SO SORRY that it took long to post more, there has been school and I've been sick . so apologizes to you all.**

**Thanks for all the reviews. This chapter was just a filler trying to add to the characters yadayada yada. It Will pick up by next chapter I'm sure. But yea had to put all this in.**

**Review tell me what I need to work on change etc. for the upcoming chapters.**

**Awesome.**

**Thanks to all of you reading the story and reviewing, truly motivating me :)**


	9. Loss of Words

**Chapter 10: Loss of Words**

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The engine starts. The seat isn't as cold as it was earlier. Probably because I have boxers on now. Well at least I can say I sat inside a Porsche butt naked. The inside of the car is fogged up. Late falls presence is here, only reminding me of how close winter is. The heat begins to blast upon us as Ashley turns the heat to 4. I cozy into my seat and feel like shutting my eyes. I don't want to sleep though.

"So, um, we can go to the hospital south of here… I don't know the name of it but it's not to far from Los Angeles General. Plus the one north of here is 2 hrs away." I don't know if I like the fact the we are going to travel to hospital that we don't even know the name of, but if Ashley is ok with it then-

"Yeah sounds good. You know how to get there?" Ashley turns to look at Kyla in the back seat who is already taking out a map.

"With this I do." That makes me smile. Ashley puts the car in drive and we begin our journey to the hospital.

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We are about half way there, and Spencer is already sleeping again. She must be really tired, because not even ten minutes into the trip and she conked out.

"So you gunna tell me what happened?" It was a question but not forceful one. "Nope. Not my place to." I smile at her though and then look down at the beauty in the passenger seat. "She gunna be ok? I mean the cuts will heal I think even though she did look pretty banged up."

"I'm not worried about the cuts. She'll be ok. I'll make sure of it." Yet I knew inside, I wasn't even close to sure if she was going to be ok. I know I wouldn't be ok if that happened to me.

"Ok."

"Thanks for coming Kyla, really I think I would have fallen asleep if you didn't." This girl is growing on me, sadly. It's easier to hate her, but for tonight I will leave our sibling hatred aside and just focus on Spencer.

"No problem." Back to silence.

It's around 2 am now. I can't keep my eyes open. Kyla has fallen asleep joining Spencer deep in her dreams. I roll down the window for a second, getting a face full of cold fall air. It wakes me up, but this however causes both girls who are sleeping to jump up awake.

"Relax, it was the window." Kyla just closes her eyes again. But Spencer keeps staring at me. I pretend not notice and keep my eyes on the road. She reaches over the center console and lightly rests her hand on top of mine. I can't help but smile, and turn my hand over and intertwine my fingers with hers. Then feeling safe, she closes her eyes. Her eyes and Kyla's remain closed until we slowly pull into the parking lot of Kent Hospital. I put the car in park. And open my door forcing the car light to shine upon us. The light spreads across Spencer's face in the most adorable way. She begins to wake up, her hand becoming tighter within mine.

"We're here Spence. Kyla" I turn to wake Kyla up also but she is already unbuckled and out of the car. I slowly and unwantingly, let go of Spencer's hand and get out of the car and go to the passenger side to help Spencer out.

We made our way down the pavement and in through the automated sliding glass doors. The smell of chlorine and the indescribable hospital smell began filling my nostrils as we entered and guided Spencer into a chair in the waiting room of the ER.

"I'll make a phone call and we will be seen in no time. I'll be outside, ok?" I direct my question more towards Spencer, afraid she wouldn't want me to leave again.

"I'll stay here with you" Kyla added.

"Ok. Hurry back." I began to walk outside, never looking away from the blue eyes that refused to look away from my own brown ones. I made my way through the automatic sliding glass doors and out onto the side walk. The chill of night made me shiver, wishing I had brought a jacket. I pull out my cell phone, and begin to dial. I may not see him much, but hopefully tonight he can prove to me he can be there for me.

Ring 1

Ring 2

Ring 3-"Hello" the vibrant male voice echoes through my cell phone.

"Dad. Hi. It's Ashley. I need to ask you a favor…"

XXXXXXXX

The loud noise of people conversing with each other all around me slowly died out, fading into the background of my thoughts. Kyla's voice melted into the background also, as she tried to make conversation, talking about cheerleading, the weather, and her favorite flower. The girl was very random, but it was very sweet, in an attempt to take my mind away from things. I merely kept my smile on my face and nodded occasionally.

I stared at an empty chair across from us and slowly drifted off into my mind. The vinyl of the seat fading farther away each second I gaze upon it. I begin to feel the texture of the sandy carpet which I laid on mere hours ago. Before I can fall into my memories, a pair of beautiful legs covered by denim walks through my concentrated gaze on the vinyl chair.

"Spencer? Spence?" Her voice rips me back to the over crowded waiting room.

"Yeah?" I locked eyes with her.

"Hey, I just got off the phone with my dad and he says he can get us in and not to worry. It'll be about 10 minutes though." A small forced smile crosses her face. She is trying to comfort me. It may be working, but I don't want pity, no, not for something that is my fault to begin with.

"Thanks. You both can go home if you want. You've done so much for me tonight; you should at least be able to sleep--."

"No. I'm not leaving, and don't worry bout anything, really. It's no trouble." She smiles with this and takes a seat next to me. Kyla continues on with her conversation with me, even though it is like talking to herself. I can't help but focus on Ashley's smooth tan face. She is looking at her hands crumpling and uncrumpilng a small piece of paper. The worry in her eyes translates to each bend in the paper she makes with her delicate fingers. Those fingers. I want to intertwine them with mine.

"SPENCER CERLAN. IS THERE A SPENCER CERLAN HERE?" The voice of a frustrated nurse filled the room. I stood up, hoping it was just a mispronunciation of my name. Ashley and Kyla followed suit and stood next to me.

"We switched your name a little. Just go with it." I nod in return to the light whisper Ashley placed inside my ear. I almost giggled at how uncreative they were in making a different last name for me. I walked up to the nurse saying hello.

"Follow me please." I did with Ashley close behind.

"I'll wait here, if there's any problems come get me." I was kind of relieved when Kyla said this, I felt safer it just being Ashley and me.

With each step getting heavier, my head began to race faster, and soon I was panicking.

"Right through here Ms. Cerlan." We entered into the small room with white walls.

"Ok. Now why are you here Ms. Cerlan?" She sits down on a rolling chair and gets her pen ready to write down my answer. Her voice was soft but could make me break. I looked to the floor.

Breathe in, breathe out. How do I start this. How do I end it. How do I explain it. Each second seeming an eternity. I slowly drift off out of the room, into my mind, where how tos' can be left behind and I am safe, leaving the nurse behind to ask Ashley questions.

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**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. Hope you like this chapter. It's taking a bit longer then I thought to build the characters, but I hope it wasn't to horrible.**

**Review pretty please., Good or bad I love them.**


	10. The Way that Flower Blooms

**A/N:** Thanks for all the advice and reviews. I'll keep it in mind and try to improve.

Italics are memories inside of spencer's head in this chapter.

So here it is R&R!

**Chapter 10: The Way that Flower Blooms ****

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Staring at the tile beneath my feet, I don't know where to look. If I look at baby blue eyes I may loose my nerve and cry which is the one thing she hasn't truly done yet, so I definitely couldn't break before her. I have to be strong, and I have no reason to cry, I am not hurt. But deep down when she hurts I hurt, and one tear is threatening me. If I look at the nurse I will have to explain what happened. The nurse and I have been sitting in silence waiting for Spencer to mumble out a reply to the scary question. Yet she is just sitting, sitting and staring into space, just like I am staring into the linoleum hoping to see more then a squeaky clean white surface. I can't let her reply. I'm just scared that if I finally explain it, it will make it real, make it real all over again, to Spencer, and maybe to me too.

I pull the nurse outside the room leaving Spencer in a vegetable state sitting on the examination table.

"Are you going to explain? I can't treat her without knowing how this happened. I can't help her if you don't help me. Ok?" Her mother nature was shining through; all though very serious she made you want to hug her.

"Yea. I… It's. See we were at a party. And I walked in on." I paused. Tongue frozen in place, I give it 3 seconds to thaw, and then spit it out, "Someone raped her." Pity and sympathy immediately formed across her face as she glanced over to look at Spencer, who was know in sleep like state on the exam table.

"How long ago, and has she showered?"

"Around 11 tonight and no. I tried to clean up the big wounds but I didn't let her shower." She smiled softly with sadness at that.

"Good, maybe they can get the bastard that did it then. You're a good person. Now we are gunna clean her up, and perform a rape kit. She may or may not want you in there with us. Just be prepared, everyone acts different after something traumatic happens." I nod taking in the information like a sponge.

She leads me back into the room and begins to explain the game plan to Spencer as nice and motherly as possible. When she finishes she exists saying she will be right back and hands me gown for Spencer to put on. I take the gown and put it next to Spencer. I whisper in her ear placing one hand softly over hers which is resting on the edge of the table.

"Spence, it's ok. But you have to wear a gown for them to help. For me to help, ok. I'll step outside so you can change." Her formally blank eyes come alive and her hand slowly turns and grabs mine.

"Don't leave. I need you. I'm sorry." She leans into me snuggling close enough that I can still smell a hint of the sweet aroma she put on hours ago.

"I won't leave I promise." She nods her head and slowly gets up leaving my body cold and wanting more of her. She slips of her boxers in a quick motion, and the shirt flies off also. I turn my head to be polite, but I can't help but examine her a little. She grabs the gown, taking her time, not seeing me or caring if I see her at all anyway. This makes me turn my head completely, showing I'll respect her even when she doesn't care if I do. She finishes and returns to my side snuggling closer then before, holding onto me she shuts her eyes. Yet only seconds later the door swings open and our nurse and a woman with grey hair and glasses enter.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Heath, I'll be on your case while you're with us." She smiles and glances at me, I take that as my cue,

"I'm Ashley Davies, this is Spencer Car...Cerlan." I looked to Spencer who slowly sat upright not leaning against me anymore.

"Hi." It was low and barely heard, her eyes shifted from the doctor to me.

"OK well we are going to start by performing a rape kit Ms.Cerlan. It won't hurt, and you can have, Ashley, is it?" I nod "stay if you wish." Spencer then looks me in the eye, "Stay." I whisper yes back but don't know if it was loud enough to be heard. But my eyes responded anyway it seemed as she turned her attention back to the doctor who was righting things down. The warm nurse from earlier was laying out things on a tray and getting things ready for the Doctor.

"Alright now Spencer I'm going to have to examine you, so in order for me to do that you are going to have to put your feet on these," Her hands fell onto two things attached to the table, " and lie down with your knees bent" Spencer looks to me as I stand up next to the table. She slowly fallows the simple orders. Eyes full of fear she doesn't take her gaze off my lips.

"OK I'm going to begin, you may feel some pressure, and it'll be cold, but don't worry I won't hurt you." The doctor's voice was soft and gentle, but didn't seem to help calm Spencer. Her eyes widened as the Doctor began her task, and she reached her hand to mine grasping it tight.

I slowly reassure her repeating myself over and over that it will be ok, that I was here and wouldn't leave and that it would be over soon. Spencer seemed not to listen but only held tighter to my hand so tight my knuckles began to hurt and my fingers going slowly turning numb.

She shut her eyes tight so they seemed unable to be pried open. Shut to the sadness and pity in the room, to the nurse, the doctor and to me. Her hand remained with mine, but her mind was long gone, and not planning on returning until she knew she was safe. She was long gone, escaping the only way she knew how. Lost in her mind puttin all her memories on rewind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The inside of my eyelids could possibly be my favorite color. It changes according to how much light is in the room, changing from oranges to pinks, to finally the blackest of blacks. I love sinking into that black. Slowly falling into the past like a time machine operated at random. As I feel the cold metal touch inside of me, I know that no matter what the angel beside me says, and how tight I hold onto her, the only way to make this better is to sink into the color behind my eyelids, and fall into the past.

_The hot sun reflected down on my light skin, which was not used to this heat. It was the last day of August and the first day of school. New state, new name, new life. Even though my future was bright like the sun out today, I was still nervous. I slowly entered a courtyard in my new school, King High. I walked into the center, noone was around. I had time so I slowed down and looked around. A small flower patch lay hidden in the corner, it's beauty hidden away were only I could see it. I walked over to it clumsily, as I tripped and fell flat on my face. If that wasn't worse enough someone had witnessed my firey crash._

_" Oh! Ouch. Here let me help you." A kind charming voice found its way to my ears. I looked up into the stranger's eyes to see what I haven't seen since I was back in Ohio. Warmth, true warmth and kindness. He reached his hand out and without looking back I took it._

_"Aiden Dennison" His smile radiated so much it forced me to smile myself._

_" Spencer Carlin."_

_" Nice to meet you. Are you always this clumsy or is this just a one time thing." He chuckled, I blushed. He was very attractive, charming, and could make me smile. He was what I needed, or what I should need._

_" No. I didn't see the tree root there." I smiled and pointed to the root that was the cause of my fall._

_" Oh I see. Well not to many people come in these courtyards, well actually its usually only me and the birds in here last year. But it's a new year, so I guess there could be room for two." A hot, charming boy bonding poetically with nature, offering to let me share his special spot. How could I refuse?_

_"Why thank you. I think it'd be nice to be with you... I mean be able to come here everyday. This city is so fast pace and wild, I'm not used to it yet. Atleast this place is a little bit slower and calm."_

_" So your new to LA. Well after school today if your free I could show you around."_

_" That would be great, here I'll give you my number, you can call me at the end of the day." I stepped closer taking his hand in mind and slowly wrote my name across it._

_" See you after school, Spencer." My name rolled so easily off his tongue it was like he owned it already, knew he had me the minute we met._

_" Bye." And with that one goodbye, I knew my life would change. I knew it wouldn't be the same, and that finally I would change, and I could live. Just like the flowers in the corner, I could bloom, and be a normal girl. Finaly what I should be, what I needed to be._

And as I feel Her thumb rub the side of my hand it makes my eyes focus on the light orange behind my eyelids. Reminds me of the way he used to hold my hand like that. Reminds me of what I've lost, what I need and how badly I've screwed up. Reminds me of why I don't deserve this angel beside me, I don't desevre anything. And with that, one small tear escapes from behind my eyes, and makes its way out were I am to scared to be, to scared to look, even my tears are braver then me.


	11. Dreamful Minds

**A/N:** Thank you!!!! for all your reviews. I live on them basically.

So in order to keep me alive and writing can you please continue to review and if you haven't start. lol

So the italics are in there dreams as you will see, its kinda obvious, but hey, I figure I'd point it out.

so yada yada on with the show!

**Chapter 11: Dreamful Minds

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"Well it seems that there is no extensive physical damage to the vagina. But you have some bruising to your inner walls. We were able to retrieve 2 hairs but no semen I'm afraid." Dr. Heath pauses mid sentence and gets up from her chair which is in front of Spencer. Sadness is still in her eyes as she turns to face me.

"With the evidence hopefully it will help in any legal action she decides to take. Here is the number of the rape crisis center and a detective I am close friends with at LAPD, your father said you resided in LA, so I think it would be best for both you and Spencer to get the proper care closer to home, do you agree?" I nod, she was right. Tonight was not the end of Spencer's re-cooperation, and I don't think it would be fun to have to drive this far every time.

"Can I put my legs down?" Spencer's voice startled me as she hasn't said a word in the whole half hour the Doc has worked on her. Heath nods and she drops her legs down onto the table groaning a little from the pain in her legs and lower abdomen.

"Are we done" She was quickly answered by a worried nurse who was putting tools away. And bringing out bandages,

"No, I'm not letting you leave me quite yet." She smiled, "We have to bandage up those cuts." Spencer just sighed and sat up on the table. Still I haven't let go of her hand, but my fingers are beginning to feel again at least. Tingly sensations are running through them as she slowly lets go and places her hands on her lap.

"I'll let Rebecca finish up here and then when you are all done she will give you your file Spencer which you can take back to LA with you, where you will get the proper care, am I correct" I answer yes knowing that I will make sure Spencer does. She smiles and leaves.

Spencer is know staring intently at me looking from my eyes to the sharp object on the tray that Nurse Rebecca just put down.

"I'm right here don't worry." Her eyes relax a little as Rebecca sits down in front of Spencer.

"Ok let see that leg of yours." Spencer lifted her leg upward.

"Well who ever cleaned this out did a very fine job but you do need a few stitches." She began to clean it more, and took the object from the tray and began to stitch Spencer up. Finishing she continued to care to the rest of the marks all over Spencer, not missing a thing. Finally done she wrote some things inside a large file then handed it to Spencer.

"There is a prescription inside there made by Dr. Heath for pain medication, as needed for your pain you will have from all the cuts and bruising. I trust you will watch over that Ashley. You need to see a doctor in 3 weeks for those stitches, but I trust you will see one before that." She smiled at me and began to walk out the door.

"Thank you." Spencer said and I to mumbled out.

"Take care of yourselves, and good luck with everything ahead." And she was gone. Spencer began to change back into my clothes and I grabbed the file. She finished and as we walked out the door her hand found mine again. I turned and looked her in the eyes and no doubt of grabbing my hand read through them. So I smiled at her and gripped her hand a little bit tighter. Hand in hand we walked through the door and back to the crowded ER waiting room where Kyla was.

XXXX

The sound of machines and people talking surrounded me as Ashley and I reentered the overpopulated waiting area. Kyla was to immersed in a conversation on her cell phone to see us sneak up behind her. Ashley tapped her on the shoulder, making her slightly jump. She quickly said goodbye to the mystery person on the other line and turned to face us.

"How'd it go?" Her voice was tired but still as vibrant as when we left her.

"Fine. We're ready to go if you are." Ashley's voice was worn in it seemed, sad and worn down, ready to finally hit the pillow.

"Yeah ok, let me get my coat." She stood up and grabbed her coat and purse. Kyla headed out through the sliding doors and me and Ashley soon followed suit.

Yet until we got to the car I didn't let go of her hand. Her palm seemed to radiate heat making it like I was wearing a glove. I didn't even care if Kyla saw us holding hands. I wasn't going to let go, even if someone tried to pry our hands free.

This is what I'm reduced to, living on holding someone's hand that I've only formally met a few hours ago. Living for her touch, her voice. Living essentially for her. That's all I have is her, and I'm not letting go of her, because if I do, there would be no point in living.

We get in the car, and the seconds are hands separate I feel the ghostly presence on my hand where hers used to be. I quickly re link them as I get in the car. Kyla decided to drive us home, so me and Ashley decided to get in the back seat.

The spare blanket from earlier lay on the floor, and Ashley slowly found it with her tired spare hand and threw it over both of us. I curled up laying my head on her chest and tucking me knees in. She in turn cornered herself comfortably on the side of the car acting as a backrest for my body. Our hands were still connected, and her other hand slowly combed through my hair. With each pass through my hair my eyelids seemed to gain more and more wait.

Soon enough both of us found ourselves returning to the place behind our eyelids. Slowly our dreams crept in on us, and soon we were engrossed in our minds leaving Kyla to drive us home with only the radio as company.

_The smell of new leather filled my nostrils as I jumped into a new Nissan Xterra. I was greeted by rough lips and a hand around my neck pulling the kiss to the next level. I kissed back barely, and soon both of us needed air and we broke it._

"_Hey. You ready for tonight?" I could see the excitement in his eyes. He has been waiting for this night since we met I think. We are heading to a concert of a local band I have never heard of, but afterward we are staying at a motel. Apparently we are because the concert is far away and by the time it gets out we will be too tired to drive back, but in Aiden's mind we won't be sleeping. I'm so nervous my hands are shaking. I'm not used to this, the whole relationship thing. I mean I'm not like a complete innocent angel, but we have been going out for 6months now, and I can see Aiden get frustrated every time I stop him from going all the way. He says he understands, but tonight, I think he won't and I don't want to loose him. He is the only thing I've had since I got here, and having him has made my popularity sky rocket. Not that I care about being popular, but it sure is nice not being a black sheep. _

"_You're nervous." It wasn't a question it was a fact and I nod looking out the window. He has been so good to me these past few days. He hasn't gotten mad once. Not that he ever goes to far. I mean ever guy is jealous of other guys. Just Aiden gets really jealous, it's his thing. His flaw and everyone has one. So that's why I'm nervous, if I say no he might think it is because I like someone else, and then it will get bad. He won't be the normal Aiden and that is why my hands are shaking right now. He will switch and I never know if he will return back to his normal self._

"_It's ok. I know you're nervous, you don't have to be though." He smiled and pulled out of my drive way. _

"_Sorry, I'm just, I have to tell you something..." His face dropped. His eyes glance at me up and down like I have some disease, like I'm contaminated. He pulls over into the break down lane._

"_You didn't, did you?! How could you? What am I not good enough? Well you listen to me I'm all you'll ever get!" Say goodbye to the old Aiden. He unbuckles and grabs my wrist firmly._

"_Aiden no, it's not like that. No I just." His hold on me is increasing every second._

"_YOU WHAT SPENCER, You what?!" I got to tell him before he does something that hurts._

"_I've never done anything before. I'm... I'm…" I pause; he must think I'm such a loser. He must not want me now._

"_I'm a virgin." A smile pierces across his angry face. He slowly loosens his grip. Then pulls me into an intense kiss. _

"_I thought, wow, I thought you were gunna say you cheated on me baby." I look away he thinks it's funny, he thinks I'm weird I know it. No one is a virgin at this age, except me that is._

"_It's ok Spencer, it's actually good, it means so much. It means so much to loose it, and if you can loose it to someone you love it will be even greater. It means no one got what I have. You deserve to loose it with someone you love Spencer and since you love me, then maybe tonight…" He is asking a question now, and I don't know what to say. I'm not ready for this, I don't love him. I say I do but I don't, but he can't know that._

"_Aiden I love you, but I don't think I'm ready." I see the look of anger in his eyes, but he relaxes before he says,_

"_I know. Its ok, I'll be here when you are. I promise, I won't push you until you're ready. Till we are both ready. So tonight I call the left side of the bed." He chuckles and I smile. Right side of the bed seems safe tonight. The vibes in the car that were on a rollercoaster have now simmered down. It's nice and tonight should be fun. I just have to stick with him and avoid any guys. I'll be ok. He loves me, that's why he is like this. Once I learn to love him then we can go all the way. Then he won't be so wound up, he will know I'm his and only his. If I could only love him then all of this would be better. If I could only love him..._

XXXXX

The smell of vanilla shampoo engulfed me as her body rested against me. Each time I stroked through her hair, my hand mustered up the scent again. It was intoxicating, but the rhythm of her chest coming up and then drop slowly put me to sleep.

_It was a warm May afternoon. The sun was as vibrant as the smile across my face. Today Ryan my older brother and I were traveling to the mountains to go hiking. Perfect hiking weather, and even though I'm not much of an outdoor person, today was going to be fun. How could it not be, I was with my brother, I couldn't help but be excited and happy to be with him today. We were almost there, and my 14 year old eyes peered out the tinted windows of the Escalade soaking in all of the surroundings. _

"_I used to come up here when I was younger with my uncle and best friend. We used to camp out for the whole weekend, roughin it." He smiled, causing small wrinkles to appear on the edge of his lips. Yet no matter how many wrinkles he had when he smiled his eyes were so young and full of life you couldn't help but over look any sign of old age on him. He was only 32, but like a dad to me. He was my best friend, and the only one I could count on. _

"_Thanks for taking me Ryan. I don't know what I'd do without you these days, I love you." I smiled and he brought me into a big bear hug, engulfing my body. _

"_I love you too kiddo. Don't ever forget that." _

_Then it happened. As I pulled away from his embrace and reseated my self at the window a car came. So fast it must have been speeding. It came and whacked our car in the back, right where me and Ryan were stationed. In the blink of an eye, the scenery I was watching disappeared and the only thing I could see was the roof of the car underneath me. Then black. Black so so black. _

_I woke up to the sound of sirens. I was on the t wet pavement. It couldn't have rained. No it was a sunny day, we were suppose to be hiking. So why was I all wet? I looked down at my body and I wasn't covered in rain. No It was red, red and sticky. I was drenched in blood. I tried to yell but my throat hurt to much to scream. I looked around for Ryan. I had to find him. He could help me. Then I looked to my left and found him. He was mangled in the car which was crushed upside down in the middle of the road. I felt a pair of hands on me and I flinched._

"_Ms? Ms.? Can you hear me? Dave I think she suffered some head trauma. Bring the stretcher over quick. How are the others?" The man was talking to the EMT 30 feet away. "I don't think we can save one them, I've already called for back up. The driver of the Escalade is in rough shape, the passenger is dead already. But the other driver seems to only have a bump on his head, he's lucky."_

_ I tried focusing on the Escalade. __No that couldn't be Ryan. No Ryan isn't bloody and banged up. Ryan is my hero, he can't be dead. No. he just can't be. One small tear rolled down my face as I closed my eyes. I felt my body be rolled onto the stretcher and then everything drifted away. Everything, the pain the hurt and Ryan. Ryan drifted away that day along with a piece of me. _

Then that smell, the smell of vanilla shampoo brought me back to reality. I slowly opened my eyes and peered down at the still asleep blond. Her eyes are the same shade as Ryan's. But I won't loose them again. I won't loose her because I don't know how I will live if I don't get to look into those eyes again.

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